Episode #48 - Talk Less, Say More; 3 Habits To Influence Others And Make Things Happen By Connie Diekin

Hello, Self Developers and welcome to The Patrick Kelly Podcast for Self-Development, where I will be reviewing  audible books on Self-Development that can change your life for the better this year, and years to come. It is said that if we keep on doing what we always did, we will keep on getting what we always got. In other words, to change our output, we first have to change our input. 

Today is December 12, 2021, and This is Episode 48, and today, we will be reviewing the Audible Book, “Talk Less, Say More; 3 Habits To Influence Others And Make Things Happen” By Connie Dieken. This audible book will help you to be more influential and make things happen in our distracted, attention-deficit World. Communication is the single greatest challenge in business today. It takes just three habits to conquer it. And the way to conquer it is by learning the powerful three step method called Connect, Convey, Convince.  

Habit #1: Connect – Managing Attention: Get people what they want in value, so they will tune in. 10 signs that you just might be a weak connector.

1. You have trouble getting people to listen to you, pay attention to your ideas or return your phone calls or emails.
2. Your impatient, easily distracted or often multitask while communicating.
3. You don’t listen well. Interrupt frequently. Dominate discussions. Or start most conversations with what is important to you.
4. You are preoccupied with how others may be judging you.
5. You frequently ramble and take too long to get to the point.
6. You automatically use the same method of communication that you prefer to reach everyone.
7. You are not good at reading other people’s body language. Or you have trouble reading between the lines of what they say.
8. You are often judgmental or critical of others in public.
9. You sugarcoat, sidestep or hold back to avoid conflict or criticism.
10. People don’t share honest timely feedback with you.

If you said yes to any of these 10 signs, you just might be, a weak connector.    

Chapter 1: Why Connect: Connecting is the ability to engage and manage people’s attention. You must learn how to give people what they want and value in order to earn their attention, or they will tune you out.  You must learn how to connect smartly and intelligently. You must learn how to connect with people on their terms. You must give people what they want in value so you keep their attention. You must grasp people’s attention at the moment of “hello”.

Chapter 2: Stay In Their Moment By Being Fully Present: Staying in their moment means fully focusing on the needs of the people with whom you are communicating with. You must first manage your own attention before winning people’s interest. Use this strategy to attract and not distract. Seek not to disturb who is currently busy. Seek to understand a person before you can be understood. Aim for the heart and not for the head. The heart will always trump the head. Concentrate on people’s feelings first. Focus on people, not on electronics when giving a Microsoft office presentation.

Chapter 3: Frontload: First Things Fast: Frontloading means to quickly nail what is relevant to your listener, so they can immediately grasp what is in it for them, and don’t tune you out. Everybody has their radio tuned to w.i.i.f.m which means “what’s in it for me?”.

Frontload Technique #1: Nail the big idea: Make sure that everyone is clear on your big idea, your vision, before you get down into the weeds and the details in order to keep people connected with you.

Frontload Technique #2: Choose their pmoc: What is a pmoc? A pmoc; p.m.o.c. is a preferred method of communication. If you’re preferred method of communicating with people is by text message. Instead of using a text message to connect with a person, find out what method the person wants to communicate with, and use that preferred method. If that person likes to do a zoom or an apple facetime, then use those methods to communicate with them. Their pmoc will always trump yours, because they control how soon they will respond to you.

Frontload Technique #3: Diffuse defensiveness: If you are communicating with a person who is angry, upset or resistant, you can use frontloading to diffuse their defensiveness.  

Chapter 4: Goldilocks Candor: Candor means the quality of being open and honest in expression; frankness. Goldilocks candor means – not to hard and not to soft, its just right. Choose the right level of candor to convey your message, is crucial to keep people interested in what you have to say. Without connecting, you can’t successfully convey or convince. The wrong level of candor can lead to defensiveness, hurt feelings, withholding or poor performance. Smart candor is the goldilocks test. Smart candor demonstrates integrity, which keeps people connected to you. Candor produces productivity and leads to a positive culture. Be candid but not abrasive.

Connect Review and Action Plan: People want to know what is important to them, otherwise they will tune out. In order to connect, you must engage and mange people’s attention right away, by starting your communication to what is relevant to them, the listener.

Habit #2: Convey – Managing information using portion control to get your points across with clarity not confusion.

Chapter 5: Why Convey: Use portion control to get your points across with clarity and not confusion. Conveying successfully leads to a clear understanding which will allow you to convince them later on. The key to smart conveying is understanding that information is not knowledge. Knowledge is the understanding of information. Information must be processed first, before we understand it, and then it becomes knowledge. The key to conveying in todays fast paced world, is portion control. Portion control is a smarter way to convey because it forces you to manage your messages, so that others can process your information accurately. This leads to clarity. Ask yourself, are you conveying or are you confusing?

Chapter 6: The Eyes Trump The Ears: Show contrast. Showing contrast works because it is a visual short cut. People respond most positively to what they see, not what they hear. Rethink PowerPoint. PowerPoint is both a blessing and a curse. Too much text and too many jazzy graphics can confuse some people, and you may not connect with them during a presentation. Clarity is improved through simplicity and portion control. Too much of anything can dilute its power and muddle your message. Make it about them and not you.

Chapter 7: Talk In Triplets: Your mind craves information in multiples of three. 3 is the Worlds most powerful number and a secret short cut to convey messages powerfully. If you want to save time and effort in helping people understand your messages, structure them in variations of three. Preload 3 choices. If you want somebody to connect with you, give them 3 ready made options. Think narrow and deep. Presenting ideas in a narrow and deep way as opposed to wide and shallow, will cement your ideas and prevent them from becoming lost in communication.

Chapter 8: Tell Stories: Story telling is becoming a part of successful business cultures. Always start the right story at the right time. Your story should resonate and be truthful enough to shake sceptics and reveals a universal truth that motivates others to act. Tell success stories that feature a positive future. Success stories must have significance. Link your story to concrete out comes, and your story will be a winner. End your stories with a purpose and a powerful lesson.

Habit #3: Convince – This is about managing action. Creating commitment to influence decisions, actions and results.

Chapter 9: Why Convince: Convincing and influencing others is a core leadership skill that produces superior results. Convincing does not mean manipulating or arm twisting. The difference is intent. Manipulators focus on their own needs and theirs alone. They are focused to get their way regardless of the impact on others. Connect, convey, convince. Convince to influence hearts and minds and compel others to action.  

Closing Thoughts: On scale of 1 to 5, I would give this audible book, a solid 4, for teaching the 3 Habits - Connect, Convey, and Convince To Influence Others and Make Things Happen. 

 *To find out more about this audible book, Go To: www.audible.com and download this audible book, or go to www.conniediekin.com to find out more information about the Author.

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