Episode #44 - It's Not My Fault By Dr. Henry McCloud and Dr. John Townsend

Hello, Self Developers and welcome to The Patrick Kelly Podcast for Self-Development, where I will be reviewing  audible books on Self-Development that can change your life for the better this year, and years to come. It is said that if we keep on doing what we always did, we will keep on getting what we always got. In other words, to change our output, we first have to change our input. 

Today is November 14, 2021, and This is Episode 44, and today, we will be reviewing the Audible Book, “It’s Not My Fault: The No Excuse Plan To Put You In Charge Of Your Life” By Dr. Henry McCloud and Dr. John Townsend. This audible book will teach you how to stop blaming others and take responsibility for you own success. There are two types of People in the World. Those who take responsibility for their lives and those who don’t. We live in a culture of blame. People will blame anything or anyone for their misery, sooner than take the responsibility to own it and make it better. Blame has become institutionalized in our courts, legislatures, and schools. Blame does nothing to solve the problems that we have. As long as we think, feel or act that there is nothing that we can do with what we struggle with, we will always remain stuck. Only we can take responsibility for our lives.

Chapter 1: Excuses Mean Nothing But Make Everyone Feel Better: There is a fundamental problem with human nature as Philosophers, Psychologist, and Theologians have noted for centuries, the problem is simply this, we fail to take responsibility for our own lives. We shift the blame and the responsibility to others. It is not the bad things that happen to us that determines our destiny. It is how we respond to them. The term “will” means desire. Humans not only have the ability to desire things, but also the creative will to take responsibility and bring about the achievement of it. We can always create, seek and find a range of options to determine how you will respond to what happens, and how you will play the cards dealt to you in your hand. Different choices bring about different outcomes. Own your situation and take responsibility for it. Do that and you will be way ahead of the World.  

Chapter 2: Brain and apparatus with which we think we think: Cognitive distortion can hamper your pathway to success. When we take distorted thinking to the next level, to level of important Life goals, we begin to see how much it can affect whether you get what you want out of Life. The very way people think, can leave them powerless and helpless and lead them to blame others. Thinking is one of the keys to empowerment and Life change. You and only you can begin to think differently in ways that are best for you. Learn to use your thinking to your advantage, and the achievement of your goals. I can’t thinking is the opposite of can do thinking. Distorted thinking can pit your mind against you. Excuses do nothing for you. Excuses are also known as yes but thinking. Yes but I had bad traffic. Yes but I misplaced my cellphone. Yes but I had to get something to eat at the last minute. When you find yourself excusing, get your but, out of the way.

Chapter 3: I Remember The Meeting As If It Were Yesterday: The problem always ends up at the door step of the one who is responsible for correcting it. Try not to become a Victim of learned helplessness. What is learned helplessness? The term learned helplessness comes from an experiment with animals that were put in situations where no choice was given to them, that would lead them to a good outcome. The animals were lead to believe that no matter what they did, nothing good would come of it. There was nothing that they could do to improve their lives. So they simply gave up and quit trying. After these animals figured out that they were helpless or powerless, then they would just endure their helpless condition even when a visible escape was provided to them. They would not take the escape route because their belief system told them that they had no good choice, even when they were staring it right in the face. People do the same thing, and it becomes a formula for depression. Some People believe that no matter what they do, they cannot escape the problem or problems that are facing them, even though the answer to their problem is staring them right in the face.

Chapter 4: Only Those Who Risk Going To Far Can Possibly Find Out How Far One Can Go: People need to take risk in order to grow and change. Not all risk are the same. There are smart risk, calculated risk and dumb risk. Smart risk gives you a reasonable chance of succeeding. Dumb risk gives you a chance of never succeeding. A high probability of success will often trump a high probability for failure. A high cost of failure will often trump a low probability of success. Big success always comes from a willingness to change. Make change your Ally. Change is you friend, not your enemy. Change is tough, uncomfortable and unsettling. But big successes, always come from a willingness to change. People who learn to stretch themselves and take risk, have also learned to see the benefits and fruits of change, rather than to fear and avoid it. Change is all about things becoming different, than things remaining the same. Change is dynamic and brings about movement, it is not the status quo. A change of approach is the way we go about achieving our outcomes, and reaching our goals. When you do not change, you will always be guaranteed to continue to get, whatever you are getting. Einstein said that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and then expecting different results”.    

Chapter 5: Talent Wins Games, But Teamwork And Intelligence Win Championships: The failure to not achieve you dreams and goals will always be charged to no one but you. We get ahead in Life when we are getting to the right People and the right things. Quality is much more important than quantity. When choosing your Team don’t make easy availability the primary requirement. You are the keeper of your dreams. You and you alone. Get truth tellers on your Team to help you grow, and give you feedback. You can’t get feedback from your Team unless you ask for it. You Life Guardians as opposed to your goal Guardians can give you advice, insight, ideas, corrections, and confrontations that can literally make all the difference in the World to your goal. The goal of your Team is to support and assist, you. Consult with your Team in order to live your dream.

Chapter 6: Any Occurrence Requiring Undivided Attention Will Be Accompanied By Compelling Distraction: All great dreams begin in the heart with a vision, a goal, or a plan. In the early germination stage of your dream, you need to be a Guardian. One who protects and supports, the development of what is to be. You need to be watchful and vigilant to make sure the goal within is not overwhelmed, injured or neglected. You are your dreams first, and best defense. Above all else guard your heart, everything you do flows from it. Your heart possesses your dream. When you guard your heart, you protect your dream. Life and change sometimes go in opposite directions. Achieving the things we desire most, will always require a period of extended space and time for you to dream, learn, plan and risk. Time is a commodity that cannot be replaced or remade, so you can’t afford to lose any of it to your excuses. To put your excuses to rest, put your excuses in writing. Write down on paper the excuses that have kept you from moving ahead. Excuses like “I’m not smart enough, I need more information to move forward, I’m just to busy, I just need more time to think things over”. Excuses are a product of fear. Once You admit your fears, you can own and confront them. You cannot own and confront things when you make excuses. Excuses require confrontation. Ownership require validation. Excuses will always be dream and goal killers.  

Chapter 7: Learning Starts With Failure. The First Failure Is The Beginning Of Education:  How to respond to failure is one of the most important lessons in Life. Without failure, we never succeed. Failure allows us to learn from our mistakes, and then to begin again, more intelligently. If at first you do not succeed, try, try again. If you are going to fail, fail forward by moving ahead until you succeed. Lesson number one of about failure is this. What ever you wish to do, you will fail at it in the beginning. Accept this reality, for it is the nature of the World. Normalize and deal with failure. To take ownership of your Life, take ownership of your failure. The accurate meaning of failure is that it is a learning experience. Learn to perform an autopsy of the failure, to find out what went wrong. If you are making the same mistakes that are causing failure over and over again, then you are not learning the lesson, and you are bound to repeat the class. Do not become a Victim of your failure. Victims see things the way they are. Winners see things the way they could be.

Chapter 8: Sure I Am Of This, That You Have Only To Endure To Conquer: People accomplish their goals through persistence. No one who accomplishes the hard things does it quickly or easily. It comes about through continued effort. We must continue on through persistence and perseverance. To achieve your goal, you must persist and persevere to the end. You can get the results that you’re looking for in various areas of life, if you do it the way that the People who get the results do it. They do it through persistent effort and perseverance. That is the only way. We have to press on, even when we are confronted with obstacles and roadblocks. Persist, persevere and grow.

Closing Thoughts: On scale of 1 to 5, I would give this audible book, a solid 5, for providing lessons on how to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own success.

*To find out more about this audible book, Go To: www.audible.com and download this audible book, or go to www.drcloud.com to find out more information about the Author.

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